Back in 1998, I wrote a parody of the Schoolhouse Rock song about pronouns by Bob Dorough and Kathy Mandary. Since I didn't have access to the original at the time, it's a very loose parody. But my friend Rich Brown liked it and put it up on his Web site, where Jessie found it when she googled my name after we were first introduced online. It was a deciding factor in her decision to meet me in person, because she figured anyone who'd written a silly Schoolhouse Rock parody couldn't be a serial killer!

      C          -            -     -      C      -     - -
Well, I've got a friend named Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla.
   G          -        -             G7              C     -      -      -
He works in a computer factory, so I could say that Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla tried to
C          -            -            -       C         - -     -
work three days without stopping and died of exhaustion... but it's not
G - -   -        F -    -     -
true. Because of robots I can say that
C       -       -       -        C   -    -          -
He told them to work nonstop and nobody's tired, and we're so
G - -      -      G -         -          -  
happy. You see, a robot's a machine that takes the
F     -    -   -       C     -        -          -
place of a man, 'cause being there in person sometimes
      C        G      C    -
would just get out of hand.

Well, Rufus's wife is named Raphaela Gabriela Sarsaparilla.
She works in a nuclear reactor, so I could say that Raphaela Gabriela Sarsaparilla went
in to fix a leak, got cancer and died... but it's not
true. Because of robots I'm glad to say that
She sent them to fix the leak and everyone's fine, and we're so
happy. Because a robot's a machine that takes the
place of a man, 'cause being there in person sometimes
would just get out of hand.

Well, the computer factory's in California and the reactor's here in France.
And Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla comes to visit only twice a year, so
Raphaela Gabriela Sarsaparilla gets lonely. And I'd like to say that
she found me and I found her and now we have sex... but it's not
true. Because of robots I have to say that
he bought two, sent one to her, and now they have sex, and they're so
happy. You know a robot's a machine that takes the
place of a man, 'cause being there in person sometimes
would just get out of hand.